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  • Massage Client Statements as Hogwarts Houses


    Makeshift flag with each of the Hogwarts houses representedI’m a huge Harry Potter fan; I can’t deny it. I carry a Harry Potter book purse and have 2 Harry Potter inspired tattoos. A single, seemingly innocuous word or phrase can bring on a Harry Potter quote or reference. I’m a lost cause. Seriously. Or should I say… Siriusly.

    Why am I telling you this? Because with fair regularity clients will say some normal, run-of-the-mill statement or question and I’ll think, “Wow, that’s a Ravenclaw thing to say” or “Hmmm, I’m thinking you’re in Gryffindor, amiright?” I’m telling you, I’m hopeless.

    Since I rarely indulge in my Harry Potter obsession on the blog, and since it’s the witching season, I figured I’d “treat” you all to some Harry Potter massage humor. Below are actual things people have said to me (a few are composites) along with the house the statement or question belongs in.

    Slytherin Stripes in Slytherin colors

    • Do you do “Full” body massage?
    • Can I use this coupon when buying a discounted package?
    • Can I use my birthday coupon AND this recycling reward for today’s massage?
    • I told everyone at the office that I was going to get a massage after work. They were soooo jealous.
    • I’m organizing the company picnic/retreat/appreciation day. Can you come do some free chair massage? The employees would love it and you’ll get some great exposure!

    Stripes in Hufflepuff colors Hufflepuff

    • Can I get some more of your cards, I passed the last batch out to a bunch of my coworkers. They need to come see you so bad!
    • I have a friend who’s going through a really hard time right now, is it OK if I let her use one of my package sessions?
    • Thank you for the birthday postcard, but don’t you dare take the discount off my fee.
    • This isn’t right! I got a 90 minute massage but you only charged me for 60.
    • What can I do between sessions to keep from getting so bad?
    • I helped my friends move last weekend and my shoulders and back have been hurting ever since.

    Stripes in Ravenclaw colorsRavenclaw

    • What muscle is that you’re working on?
    • Why do my neck muscles always get so tight? Is it my posture?
    • How do you pronounce that muscle again? I want to be able to pronounce it correctly when I see my PT next week.
    • My X-rays/CT/MRI show [insert specific, detailed results]
    • Tell me what you learned at the pain convention
    • Are there any books about fibromyalgia/headacahes/etc. that you’d recommend?

    Stripes in Gryffindor colorsGryffindor

    • You can use more pressure. I can take it.
    • I’m a pro/semipro [sport name] player. I pulled/injured these muscles in my last last competition X days ago. I need to be ready for my next game in X number of days.
    • I hurt my shoulder/knee/back/etc. last weekend on our annual/semi-annual getaway
    • Yeah, I hurt my shoulder 2 years ago but I didn’t come in before now because I could push through the pain but now it’s too much.
    • I broke myself again playing a pick up game of [name a sport].

    Now, If you’ve said one or more of these things, it in no way means that I’d sort you into that statement’s house. It takes more than one or two statements to get you sorted into a particular house. Besides, if you live in the US, and you’re not a muggle (you’re not, right?), you wouldn’t have a Hogwarts house you’d have an Ilvermorny house and they’re sorted by completely different criteria. So no worries.