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  • How to Get the Most Enjoyment From Your Valentines Massage


    Heart Massage

    Valentine’s Day is a mere week away. If getting a massage is something you’d like to do with your sweetie (or just by yourself for that matter), you’d better get those appointments booked soon. It probably won’t surprise you that appointments book up quickly around Valentines Day, so you’ll want to read my advice and then make that appointment.

    It used to be that couples massage was the poster child of Valentine’s massages, but not anymore. There are now affordable chocolate scented massage creams, rose scented lotions, cloth rose petals, and heart-shaped lights, along with a whole host of other accoutrements that massage therapists are using to enhance your massage experience on Valentine’s Day.

    The trouble with Valentine’s Day massages, however, is the unrealistic expectations that we have about the day in general. If you’re in a relationship, you may expect your plans to be executed perfectly, for your loved one to be awed and wowed by your (sometimes over-the-top) expression of love. If you’re single, you may expect the day to completely suck.

    No matter what your expectations are, if massage is part of your plan for Valentine’s Day I’ve got a few Do’s and Don’ts to help you get the most out of your Valentine’s massage.


    • Treat your therapist with respect; they literally hold the key to a pleasant experience in the palm of their hand. If you tick them off by treating them like a servant, they will NOT be able to give you the best massage they are capable of, no matter how hard they try.
    • Expect that any scented products may not smell like their namesake, or may not smell the same way on you that they do in the container. Many products are scented with artificial fragrance, which keeps longer but doesn’t have the same smell and/or effect as the real thing.
    • Remember that the rooms used for couples massages are often smaller than you’d think, especially once you put 4 adults and 2 massage tables in there. The temperature can soar with all that contained body heat, especially if the massage involves hot towels or hot stones. If you or your partner get warm easily, you may want to get your massages in separate rooms.
    • Keep your preferences in mind when booking your massage sessions. There are many specials this time of year and it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement of trying something new and exotic, especially if it’s priced below what you’d normally pay. So if roses tend to evoke images of little old ladies, you should probably avoid the chocolate rose massage, no matter how cheap or popular it is.


    • Try to sneak a quickie when the therapists leave your room after a couples massage. Any signs of hanky panky will likely get you banned from ever being able to book another appointment there. For what I hope are obvious reasons, we keep as much distance between what we do and sex as possible. Book a hotel room and have the therapists come to you, if you want to fool around after the massage.
    • Drink alcohol before your massage. Many massage therapists will refuse to work on someone who’s even a little buzzed because, among other things, it dulls your pain perception. That means the therapist could accidentally hurt you by using too much pressure or too much heat. Our first rule is “Do no harm.” Please don’t ask us to chance it… we won’t.
    • Let yourself be upsold on products or services you don’t really want (this is the massage/spa equivalent of “would you like fries with that?”). It can be easy to get swept up in the excitement and expectations of the day, but if you don’t really want (or even like) the upsell, a polite “No thanks” will suffice. If they get pushy with the upsells, it may be time to tell them that no means no and you will take your business elsewhere if they continue to push.
    • Surprise your partner with a Valentine’s massage if they’ve never expressed an interest in it. And for God’s sake, for the love of all that’s holy, DON’T get them a massage if they have ever said that they weren’t interested in or didn’t like getting a massage. (Yes, this happens. A lot.) No matter how great your massage therapist is, gifting someone with a massage they don’t want is not going to change their mind, but it will probably cause them to feel a certain amount of anger and resentment toward you, for not honoring their needs and preferences. Unless you want a public argument or even possibly a public breakup, don’t do this. Ever.

    I think that’s enough to be getting on with. If you have a do or a don’t to add to the list, please tell me about it in the comments below. And don’t forget to share.